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Coming Up Next:

Trivia Contest
2023 Edition
On New Year's Day:

St. Valentine's
Day Massacre
Fourth of July:

Not scheduled:
Great Maltese
Trophy Dash
The Old Maltese
St. Valentine's Day Massacre
59 Annual Events (and counting) . . .

coast-to-coast competitions, challenges of logic, alertness, and common sense

quests from the Golden Gate Bridge to the Statue of Liberty in even-numbered years (then westbound in odd-numbered years)

journeys of thousands of miles without leaving home, because they're all done on maps!

This is how The St. Valentine's Day Massacre works:

As soon as we hear from you we'll send you the giant 11x15 136-page 2022 Rand McNally Road Atlas and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre book of instructions. (Entries will be fulfilled as soon as we receive them, up until Valentine's Day.)

You'll start at the Golden Gate Bridge and travel (vicariously, by map) across the continent to the Statue of Liberty.

Entries are accepted continuously until Valentine's Day, February 14.  (The completion deadline for everyone is March 7.)


Note: 2022 St. Valentine's Day Massacre entries closed on Valentine's Day.

Our Almaniac trivia contest is coming up next, in October.


What has Jeopardy! champion Ken Jennings written about the St. Valentine's Day Massacre? Click:

This is what


By following the Massacre's auto rally kind of instructions, at your kitchen table or wherever you want, an hour or two at a time whenever you want, we travel on a continuous course over mountains and plains, from page to page in the atlas, from the Golden Gate Bridge to the Statue of Liberty.

2022 is a colorful year, as we visit Blue Jay in California, Greenleaf in Idaho, Red Lodge in Montana, Vermillion in South Dakota, Blue Mound in Illinois, Yellow Pine in Alabama, and Orange in Virginia, on our way across the continent.

2021 was declared the International Year of Fruits and Vegetables by the United Nations, and we celebrated by visiting Cucumber [West Virginia], Spuds [Florida], Beanblossom [Indiana], Cherry [Minnesota], Tomato [Arkansas], Corn [Oklahoma], and Strawberry [Arizona] on our way across the continent.

For 2020 we *saw the C sights* across the continent, from the Cascades to Cody, Clay County, Cape Girardeau, Cash, and Carrying Place [Ontario] to the big City.

In 2019 we saluted Ernies, such as 16-tonner Tennessee Ernie Ford and over-the-top comedian Ernie Kovacs, both of whom were born exactly 100 years earlier. We celebrated by visiting Ernie’s Restaurants in Virginia, South Carolina, Missouri, and California. And Burning Man in Nevada!

In 2018 we honored classic American writers, in their namesake places: Hawthorne, California; Thoreau, New Mexico; Whitman, Nebraska; Dickinson, North Dakota; Wilder, Minnesota; Irving, Illinois; Fitzgerald, Georgia; and Wharton, New Jersey.


Along the way, we'll ask you questions to see if you are on the correct course. Here's the very first question on the 2022 event, and part of the instructions it's between.

1. ... whereupon Ranger Ophelia tosses her duffel into the Franklin’s back seat and hops in and you go south ...

Question: Which of these do you see?

Half Moon Bay Arpt.
San Francisco Int’l Airport

2. Go left on California 92 in San Mateo Co.


You have until the 7th of March to send in your answers. Then custom-designed trophies go to at least the top 10%: those who've done the best in avoiding the Massacre's bushwhackers and snares.

And local champion certificates go to the best from each state, province, and country.


To receive a St. Valentine's Day Massacre brochure in the mail next December, in advance of the 2023 competition, just send The Old Maltese an email request mentioning the Massacre, with your street mailing address, or mail a note to us at:

St. Valentine's Day Massacre
P.O. Box 53
La Cañada, California 91012