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St. Valentine's
Day Massacre
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The Old Maltese
St. Valentine's Day Massacre
57 Annual Events (and counting) . . .

coast-to-coast competitions, challenges of logic, alertness, and common sense

quests from the Statue of Liberty to the Golden Gate Bridge in odd-numbered years (then eastbound in even-numbered years)

journeys of thousands of miles without leaving home, because they're all done on maps!

This is how The St. Valentine's Day Massacre works:

We'll send you the giant 11x15 100-page-plus 2021 Rand McNally Road Atlas and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre book of instructions.

You'll start at the Statue of Liberty and travel (vicariously, by map) across the continent to the Golden Gate Bridge.

Entries are accepted continuously until Valentine's Day, February 14.  (The completion deadline for everyone is March 2.)

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Note: Entries for the 2020 St. Valentine's Day Massacre closed on Valentine's Day.

Scroll to the bottom regarding receiving advance information next December for the 2021 competition.

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What has Jeopardy! champion Ken Jennings written about the St. Valentine's Day Massacre? Click:

This is what

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2020 Massacre competitors:

Google Street View

You will have noticed that occasionally during the rally we provide a link to a Google Street View photo taken along the course.

These photos don’t affect the Massacre course or questions in any way and may safely be ignored if you aren’t interested in them.

But click on any of these if you are interested in seeing what's 'really' there [and -- this is remarkable -- after clicking on an image you can look around or travel along the road, as with any Google Street View photo].

As for us, we weren’t watching the road; we were enjoying the scenery, especially the clouds.


in Leg 1: approaching Covelo in California

in Leg 1: nearing Pacific Crest National Scenic Trail in Oregon

in Leg 1: approaching Hōlualo in Hawaii

in Leg 1: in Unalakleet in Alaska

in Leg 1: after Livengood in Alaska

in Leg 2: Alexis Creek in British Columbia

in Leg 2: Continental Divide on Trans-Canada 16

in Leg 2: Condor in Alberta

in Leg 3: after Plenty in Saskatchewan

in Leg 3: approaching Rosetown in Saskatchewan

in Leg 3: approaching the U.S.A. in Saskatchewan

in Leg 3: Hell’s Half Acre in Wyoming

in Leg 4: after Valentine in Nebraska

in Leg 4: after Stinnett in Texas

in Leg 5: after Countyline in Oklahoma

in Leg 5: approaching Beebe in Arkansas

in Leg 6: approaching Success in Missouri

in Leg 6: near Morton Mills in Iowa

in Leg 6: approaching Galena in Illinois

in Leg 6: approaching Polar in Wisconsin

in Leg 7: near Au Train in Michigan

in Leg 7: after Elmer in Michigan

in Leg 7: after Wiarton in Ontario

in Leg 7: Carrying Place in Ontario

in Leg 8: near Chapais in Québec

in Leg 8: approaching Stanhope in Québec

in Leg 8: near Carlisle in New York

in Leg 8: approaching Ballston Spa in New York

in Leg 8: Statue of Liberty in New York

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By following the Massacre's auto rally kind of instructions, at your kitchen table or wherever you want, an hour or two at a time whenever you want, we travel on a continuous course over mountains and plains, from page to page in the atlas, from the Golden Gate Bridge to the Statue of Liberty.

For 2020 we *saw the C sights* across the continent, from the Cascades to Cody, Clay County, Cape Girardeau, Cash, and Carrying Place [Ontario] to the big City.

In 2019 we saluted Ernies, such as 16-tonner Tennessee Ernie Ford and over-the-top comedian Ernie Kovacs, both of whom were born exactly 100 years ago. We celebrated by visiting Ernie’s Restaurants in Virginia, South Carolina, Missouri, and California. And Burning Man in Nevada!

In 2018 we honored classic American writers, in their namesake places: Hawthorne, California; Thoreau, New Mexico; Whitman, Nebraska; Dickinson, North Dakota; Wilder, Minnesota; Irving, Illinois; Fitzgerald, Georgia; and Wharton, New Jersey.

Along the coast-to-coast course we provided help from a bunch of friendly folk, such as Waldo in California, Louisa May in Arizona, a ragamuffin girl and a tan-faced prairie boy on the plains, Queen Jane in Minnesota, and Frosty the Snowman in West Virginia.

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Along the way, we ask questions to see if you are on the correct course. Here's the very first question from the 2020 event, and the instructions it's between.

2. Go right on California 128.

Question: How many of these towns do you see?

Albion; Geyserville

3. Go north on California 29 at Calistoga.

[We turned off California 1 near Albion, which (B.R. 2/a) immediately we saw behind us (SEE def.: within 1/4 map inch), then we saw Geyserville as well on our way to Calistoga for #3.]

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You have until the 2nd of March to send in your answers. Then custom-designed trophies go to at least the top 10%: those who've done the best in avoiding the Massacre's bushwhackers and snares.

And local champion certificates go to the best from each state, province, and country.

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To receive a St. Valentine's Day Massacre brochure in the mail next December, in advance of the 2021 competition, just send The Old Maltese an email request mentioning the Massacre, with your street mailing address, or mail a note to us at:

St. Valentine's Day Massacre
P.O. Box 53
La Cañada, California 91012