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Coming Up Next:
The 2023 Edition
New Year's Day:

St. Valentine's
Day Massacre
Not scheduled:
Trivia Contest
Not scheduled:
Not scheduled:
Great Maltese
Trophy Dash
The Old Maltese

Notice: We have decided
that this upcoming
2023 St. Valentine's Day Massacre
will be our last competition.

The Old Maltese is fine;
60 years seems to be a good time
to say howdy and adieu.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- St. Valentine's Day Massacre

60 Annual Events

coast-to-coast competitions, challenges of logic, alertness, and common sense

quests from the Golden Gate Bridge to the Statue of Liberty in even-numbered years (then westbound in odd-numbered years)

journeys of thousands of miles without leaving home, because they're all done on maps!

This is how The St. Valentine's Day Massacre works:

We'll send you the giant 11x15 136-page 2023 Rand McNally Road Atlas and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre book of instructions. (Entries will be fulfilled just before New Year's Day, and then as soon as we receive your registration, for another month and a half, up until Valentine's Day.)

You'll start at the Statue of Liberty and travel (vicariously, by map) across the continent to the Golden Gate Bridge.

Entries are accepted continuously until Valentine's Day, February 14.  (The completion deadline for everyone is March 6.)


Scroll to the bottom for all entry information.


What has Jeopardy! champion Ken Jennings written about the St. Valentine's Day Massacre? Click:

This is what


By following the Massacre's auto rally kind of instructions, at your kitchen table or wherever you want, an hour or two at a time whenever you want, we travel on a continuous course over mountains and plains, from page to page in the atlas, from the Statue of Liberty to the Golden Gate Bridge.

2023 is going to be a harmonious year: we'll drive westbound from New York City, visiting Harmony in Pennsylvania, Beauty in Kentucky, Paradise in Michigan, Success in Missouri, Valentine in Nebraska, Happys Inn in Montana, and Carefree in Arizona, on our way across the continent.

2022 has been a colorful year as we headed eastbound, visiting Blue Jay in California, Greenleaf in Idaho, Red Lodge in Montana, Vermillion in South Dakota, Blue Mound in Illinois, Yellow Pine in Alabama, and Orange in Virginia.

2021 was declared the International Year of Fruits and Vegetables by the United Nations, and we celebrated by visiting Cucumber [West Virginia], Spuds [Florida], Beanblossom [Indiana], Cherry [Minnesota], Tomato [Arkansas], Corn [Oklahoma], and Strawberry [Arizona].

For 2020 we *saw the C sights* across the continent, from the Cascades to Cody, Clay County, Cape Girardeau, Cash, and Carrying Place [Ontario] to the big City.

In 2019 we saluted Ernies, such as 16-tonner Tennessee Ernie Ford and over-the-top comedian Ernie Kovacs, both of whom were born exactly 100 years earlier. We celebrated by visiting Ernie’s Restaurants in Virginia, South Carolina, Missouri, and California. And Burning Man in Nevada!

In 2018 we honored classic American writers, in their namesake places: Hawthorne, California; Thoreau, New Mexico; Whitman, Nebraska; Dickinson, North Dakota; Wilder, Minnesota; Irving, Illinois; Fitzgerald, Georgia; and Wharton, New Jersey.


Along the way, we'll ask you questions to see if you are on the correct course. Here's the very first question on the 2022 event, and part of the instructions it's between.

1. ... whereupon Ranger Ophelia tosses her duffel into the Franklin’s back seat and hops in and you go south ...

Question: Which of these do you see?

Half Moon Bay Arpt.
San Francisco Int’l Airport

2. Go left on California 92 in San Mateo Co.

The answer depends on which highway we're on as we complete Instruction #1: U.S. 101 or California 1.

As it happens, #1 placed us on southbound California 1, which we stayed on through Presidio of San Francisco and down the Pacific coast past Half Moon Bay Arpt. to California 92 for Instruction #2.


To sign up for this winter's 2023 St. Valentine's Day Massacre, send a check (payable to 'Massacre') for the entry fee to: St. Valentine's Day Massacre, P.O. Box 53, La Cañada, California 91012.

The entry deadline is St. Valentine's Day. The completion deadline is March 6.

The entry fee is $69 for U.S. addresses.

If in Canadian dollars, it's $99. For the U.K.: £59. For other overseas: $79 U.S.

St. Valentine's Day Massacre
P.O. Box 53
La Cañada, California 91012

- - and we'll be glad to enclose a gift announcement for you
if you'd like to send a friend cross-country as a gift