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Coming Up Next
On the
Fourth of July:


Trivia Contest
2021 Edition
Next January:

St. Valentine's
Day Massacre
Not scheduled:
Great Maltese
Trophy Dash
The Old Maltese
St. Valentine's Day Massacre
58 Annual Events (and counting) . . .

coast-to-coast competitions, challenges of logic, alertness, and common sense

quests from the Statue of Liberty to the Golden Gate Bridge in odd-numbered years (then eastbound in even-numbered years)

journeys of thousands of miles without leaving home, because they're all done on maps!

This is how The St. Valentine's Day Massacre works:

We'll send you the giant 11x15 136-page 2021 Rand McNally Road Atlas and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre book of instructions.

You'll start at the Statue of Liberty and travel (vicariously, by map) across the continent to the Golden Gate Bridge.

Entries are accepted continuously until Valentine's Day, February 14.  (The completion deadline for everyone is March 8.)


What has Jeopardy! champion Ken Jennings written about the St. Valentine's Day Massacre? Click:

This is what


Note: Entries for the 2021 St. Valentine's Day Massacre closed on Valentine's Day.

Scroll to the bottom regarding receiving advance information next December for the 2022 competition.

Our next map rally will be the Independence Day Fireworks, coming up in July.


2021 Massacre competitors will have noticed an occasional Google Street View link to a photo taken along the course.

These photos don’t affect the Massacre course or questions in any way and may safely be ignored if you aren’t interested in them.

But click on any of these if you are interested in seeing what's 'really' there [and -- this is remarkable -- after clicking on an image you can rotate the picture to look around, and travel up or down the road, as with any Google Street View photo].

As for us, we weren’t watching the road; we were enjoying the scenery, especially the trees and clouds.

in Leg 1: Wharton State Forest in New Jersey

Delaware / Maryland state boundary

Cucumber in West Virginia

in Leg 2: Welcome in North Carolina

in Leg 3: Enigma in Georgia

approaching Murray in Kentucky

approaching Napoleon in Indiana

in Leg 5: Haack’s nest in Cylinder, Iowa

approaching Tomato in Arkansas

in Leg 6: wayside, U.S. 65 in Arkansas

Back Gate in Arkansas

in Leg 7: Deer in Oklahoma

Very Large Array in New Mexico

in Leg 8: Luther Pass in California


By following the Massacre's auto rally kind of instructions, at your kitchen table or wherever you want, an hour or two at a time whenever you want, we travel on a continuous course over mountains and plains, from page to page in the atlas, from the Golden Gate Bridge to the Statue of Liberty.

2021 has been declared the International Year of Fruits and Vegetables by the United Nations, and we're going to celebrate by visiting Cucumber [West Virginia], Spuds [Florida], Beanblossom [Indiana], Cherry [Minnesota], Tomato [Arkansas], Corn [Oklahoma], and Strawberry [Arizona] on our way across the continent.

Along the coast-to-coast course you'll get help from Farmer Misenheimer in West Virginia, Clerk Clark in South Carolina, Portia & Pete in Georgia, Ole Morken in Minnesota, Rolly Schweinezüchter in Iowa, Eikao Tsirotom in Oklahoma, and (yes!) The Old Maltese.

For 2020 we *saw the C sights* across the continent, from the Cascades to Cody, Clay County, Cape Girardeau, Cash, and Carrying Place [Ontario] to the big City.

In 2019 we saluted Ernies, such as 16-tonner Tennessee Ernie Ford and over-the-top comedian Ernie Kovacs, both of whom were born exactly 100 years ago. We celebrated by visiting Ernie’s Restaurants in Virginia, South Carolina, Missouri, and California. And Burning Man in Nevada!

In 2018 we honored classic American writers, in their namesake places: Hawthorne, California; Thoreau, New Mexico; Whitman, Nebraska; Dickinson, North Dakota; Wilder, Minnesota; Irving, Illinois; Fitzgerald, Georgia; and Wharton, New Jersey.


Along the way, we ask questions to see if you are on the correct course. Here's the very first question from the 2020 event, and the instructions it's between.

2. Go right on California 128.

Question: How many of these towns do you see?

Albion; Geyserville

3. Go north on California 29 at Calistoga.

[We turned off California 1 near Albion, which (B.R. 2/a) immediately we saw behind us (SEE def.: within 1/4 map inch), then we saw Geyserville as well on our way to Calistoga for #3.]


You have until the 8th of March to send in your answers. Then custom-designed trophies go to at least the top 10%: those who've done the best in avoiding the Massacre's bushwhackers and snares.

And local champion certificates go to the best from each state, province, and country.


To receive a St. Valentine's Day Massacre brochure in the mail next December, in advance of the 2022 competition, just send The Old Maltese an email request mentioning the Massacre, with your street mailing address, or mail a note to us at:

St. Valentine's Day Massacre
P.O. Box 53
La Cañada, California 91012